Miriam sat in the kitchen and silently looked out the window, holding a mug of tea with both hands. She moved her fingers around mug; the tea was already cold. Why do I keep making tea and not drinking it? she asked herself silently. There was food in the birdfeeder and some on the grass under the hawthorn tree, but no sign of birds. She waited all morning, but no birds arrived. It was the usual weather for early spring in Ireland; overcast, with glimpses of sunlight through grey clouds, windy and a daily dose of rain. She raised her eyes to the sky. Not a single bird in the sky either. The clouds seemed to stick together one with another and did not allow the sun to come through for some time. Where have all the birds gone? She was waiting for days now for her favourite bird, the Goldfinch. The winter-weary trees were still bare. She continued to look out the window.
Thoughts hurriedly ran through her memory. So much had happened over the past two years, mostly unpleasant and she did not want to come back to all of that. But thoughts, like cockroaches, bothered her. She was sad and lost. She wanted to cry and tears welled up in her eyes. Miriam remembered how she lost her mother a year ago, with whom she wasn’t close, but still it shook her to the core. Her mother lived one and a half hour’s drive from her in the next town. It was hard to visit her because of Miriam’s work. She asked her mother to move in to her little cottage in Connemara, but she refused. Then she got seriously ill and Miriam’s life had changed because she needed more time to look after her mother. The drive back to her mother’s house was taking a lot of time. Miriam lost her job. Then six months later, her mother died. Miriam didn’t have enough time to gather her thoughts as to what to do next. Suddenly, she fell into a vast empty space without her mother. Why she was so stubborn and why did she refuse any help? Miriam cried for days. When, three months later, she managed to sort her mother’s house, she ended up in the emergency room.
Everything got blurred. The doctor was talking to her, a nurse was holding her hand. There were blue curtains on both sides and a syringe next to her bed. Everything was like somewhere else with somebody, but not happening to her. The warm liquid passing from the syringe into her arm brought her back and she tried to understand what the doctor was saying.
“Miriam, are you all right now? Do you feel any pain?” The doctor was about her age, close to sixty and had a soft calming voice.
“I amm…fine. Why am I here? What’s wrong with me?”
“You fainted outside your mother’s house and one of the neighbours brought you here. You are in Galway Hospital, Miriam. We are running a few tests and already have some results back for you. Are you ready to talk or you need more time? I can come back later.”
“No, no I am fine. Just tell me, what is it? I need to go home. My dog is there alone.”
“Can you ask anybody to look after your dog while you are in hospital?” The doctor was eager to finish this conversation and move on. Miriam just made a gesture with her hand for the doctor to carry on with what he wanted to say.
Two days later she was home with swirling thoughts in her head about the diagnosis. She would need surgery and had to get ready for weeks of recovery. Then her dearly beloved Jack Russel dog called “Rufus” of 10 got sick. She tried to feed the dog while holding her favourite mug of tea with a magnolia flower on it. The dog moved and the mug flew across to the opposite side of the kitchen breaking into many pieces and covering the wall, chairs, corner of the table and floor with tea. It was the last straw and made her feel hopeless and angry. She sat on the floor crying. Sensing her unhappiness, her dog put his head on her lap, closing his eyes.
Miriam didn’t have friends. She knew a few women from town, but they lived their lives and didn’t attempt to talk to her. It was only during her shopping trips they would chat to her for five minutes and then rush away. It didn’t bother her before, but at that moment, she felt so lonely that she regretted she didn’t make any friends when she moved here 10 years ago after separating from her husband. They didn’t have children. She had only one sister who lived in the UK and who didn’t like visiting Ireland often. After their mother’s funeral, her sister left and there was not even a single phone call from her for months. Maybe because they argued over their mother’s house. The knock on the door brought Miriam back to her senses. It was a neighbour, a small Philippian woman with smiley eyes.
“Hi Miriam, how are you?” She put out her hand holding a box of biscuits. “I heard that you were in hospital. I hope it is nothing serious?”
“Come in, Jane. Sorry, I made a mess in the kitchen. My dog is sick and I need to sort him out first.” She said nothing about herself to Jane. They moved in to the kitchen. Jane looked down at the floor.
“Oh, that happens to me all the time. Let me help you please.”
Miriam accepted her help silently, pointing to the kitchen towels and then went to check on her dog. The two of them had a quick chat. Jane offered to help with the dog. She knew a good vet who could take Rufus in for a few weeks while Miriam would recover after surgery.
“You are so nice Jane. It seems like you have arrived from another planet to sort my problems.”
“I from next door Miriam, not from another planet. We moved in three years ago, but we didn’t have chance to be introduced properly. I know you looked after your mother for some time. So sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. I guess such is life.”
Miriam had her surgery and recovered well. Rufus came back home and kept her company. He was old and the vet said that there was little he could do. It’s just age. Short walks would help. Her own doctor said that she needs to walk every day and take light exercise. That’s what left to two of them. But the weather was against them and almost all winter both of them spent indoors.
The end of February Rufus passed away. It happened when he was sleeping next to her. After that she didn’t go out for weeks. One thing she did, as her exercise, was sitting by the window looking out.
When, like crashing sea waves, thoughts passed through Miriam’s memory about the loss of her mother, her job, Rufus and her favourite tea cup. At that moment, the Goldfinch arrived. It sat on the tree closest to the window. With tears in her eyes, she smiled at the bird. They looked at each other and both didn’t move for seconds. She always loved Goldfinches for their very colourful feathers. She couldn’t believe her eyes.
The bird found food in a tree feeder and got down to business. A few rays of sunlight broke through the heavy grey clouds and shined on the Miriam’s face. She closed her eyes from the bright light, raising her face to the sun. Suddenly life sparkled with bright colours. She felt the skin on her face tighten and warm up. Other birds also arrived, more Goldfinches! They chirped in such a way that it was impossible to suppress a smile. Unconsciously, she pulled out a piece of paper from a folder which was on top of the book on the kitchen table. That folder, with papers and pencils, was given to her by a nurse in hospital, but she never opened it until now. She started to draw the goldfinch. The birds were moving so fast, but Miriam was able to capture one of them. The black spot on top of the goldfinch’s red head looked like it was wearing a black hat and white feather scarf around its neck. A bit of a yellow colour on the wings and white spots on its black tail. The white feathered belly on bird’s brown body was almost invisible until it moved. Miriam watched the goldfinches closely. There were about ten or more of them. They all tried to get to the food at the same time. They fought with each other, some of them flew away, some waited on the fence. When they were in the air, their bright feathered wings were open like a fan full of many colours. It was a show you wouldn’t like to miss. Magnetic. She was hypnotised.
Then Miriam remembered that she wanted to plant flowers in memory of her mother and, for that, she needed to go to the garden shop. She eagerly wanted to go out. She put a rain coat on and was in the garden in seconds. She stood there watching the birds and observing her garden, trying to find a right place for the flower bed. The fresh air was so sweet with the hint of sea salt. She noticed the small green leaves started to come out on the hawthorn trees and soon the pale-pink blossoms would cover most of west of Ireland. She loved the spring season and particularly the hawthorn blossoms. In spite of mixed weather, nature was slowly waking up.
Why didn’t I notice earlier that it’s so beautiful out there? It took time but the Goldfinches came back. With such thoughts came realisation that it was the same with her life. The goldfinches made her happy and brightened her day. Life isn’t so bad after all, Miriam said to herself. Can she be happy again and find a new path to follow and enjoy the moments like this? Yes, you can! The voice in her head shouted.
In the garden shop Miriam spotted a mug of tea with a Red Robin on it. She would prefer the goldfinch, but the Red Robin was beautifully pictured on a white background. She bought the mug. Walking out of the shop she saw a sign on the window that the shop needed a sales person.
Miriam couldn’t remember when was the last time she felt so happy, full of good energy and she kept smiling all day. A few goldfinches were still there when she came back home. She topped up the birdfeeder. Arranging a few pots of flowers for tomorrow, she made herself a mug of tea and phoned her sister.
“Hi Catherine.”
“Hi Miriam, how are you?”
“I am much better, thank you. Would you like to come over? We can finish sorting out Mum’s house. I know you wanted to put it on sale when you were here last time, but I refused to help you. Sorry. Please come over. Whatever you want to do with Mum’s house I don’t mind. I just want to see you. I.. miss you Catherine.”
“Oh, Miriam, I would love to. Let me check my work diary and I come back to you tomorrow. Is it ok?”
“Take your time sister. No problem. I’ll wait for your call tomorrow.”
“I also have two puppies here. Do you remember we adopted a dog three years ago? So, now we have to find a new home for them. Would you like to adopt one?”
Miriam remembered Rufus who she missed dearly. And her sister actually sent a nice card when she texted her about Rufus passing away, but she ignored it. After a short pause Miriam took a deep breath before she almost bellowed out loud. “Of course, Catherine! I would love to adopt one of your puppies. Please bring him with you. Ah, now, I can’t wait for both of you to come. Thank you, sister, you made my day.”
Life is a collection of happy moments that we have no right to miss. Life is a gift. Miriam said to herself that she wouldn’t miss a day. She promised to herself she will enjoy her life from now on. She will go out and meet new people. She won’t be afraid. How much one day can change everything in your life, if you allow it. She couldn’t wait for a new day to come.